The disappointed Searchers Top searches that brought people to my site and likely led to great disappointment :-

These are searches that were run by people who were subsequently directed to my site, I like to think they found something of value here, although I suspect it was unlikely.

Yahoo "Roads in Chile"

Roads in Chile aren't very good in general, especially out of the big cities, but hey that's part of the fun.

Yahoo "Drugs marijuana Tahiti"

Apparently there is lots of marijuana in Tahiti, go to the smaller islands and make frieds with the locals, they tell me you wont even need to pay for it!! (NB I didn't find this out until Australia)

Yahoo "Hiraeth MY_TOP" ?

WTF? Hiraeth means longing literally translated, but is usually used in the context of homesick (in my understanding, but I'm not fluent)....As for my_top - don't know how that fits in really.

Yahoo "Flying Volkswagen"

Hmmm, I made some comment about going in a helicopter being similar to beige in a flying Volkswagen, I didn't know there was such a thing as a flying Volkswagen!

Yahoo "Hydration Packs"

Don't roll over on to one of these in your sleep, nuff said.

How do I know all this?
  ¶ 8:41 am 0 Comments

  Texting the sexes I think the best way to study the difference between the sexes is to look at the way we comunicate, and the purest form of comunication today is the humble text message.

Typical Text conversation for men

Here we see Mike and John arrange a night out in 4 easy steps - this is surely what the inventors of SMS messaging had in mind when they developed this technology.

MIKE:HEY SHIV HEAD FANCY A BEER
JOHN:YEAH COOL SEE YOU IN PUB AT 8
MIKE:OK, MIGHT BE 10 MINS LATE, C U L8R
JOHN:K

Overall Cost : $00.40
Comments: Well done lads, no messing about, Liked the use of the term SHIV, a common insult in the genre of text, due to the fact that SHIT does not appear in most peoples predictive text dictionary. Points deducted for the use of capitals, neither man knows how to turn this feature off.

Typical Text conversation for gay men

Here we observe the interaction between two 'navigators of the winward pass' , Notice Predictive Text has substituted the word RICH for SHAG but that gay guys know how to override this and spell the word manually.

0434214214:Fancy a shag?
0489472497:who is this?
0434214214:found your number on toilet wall at petrol station
0489472497:ok meet you in toilet at 8:30

Overall Cost : $00.40
Comments: Well done lads, less messing about than your straight counterparts and you haven't let the fact that you don't even know each other get in the way. Remember to delete your messages afterwards or your boyfriend might see them.

Typical Text conversation for women

Here we see two memebrs of the fairer sex demonstrate how to prolong the text session with an unending sussession of questions answered where possible with other questions.

Toni:Hey Sands
Toni: You there?
Toni: HELLO!
Toni:Wts wrng, rnt u tlkng 2 me?
Sandra:Sry was havn a p
Sandra:Nthn wrng, feel bit dwn...you?
Toni:how come?
Sandra:I am confussed
Toni:Why?
Sandra:Like Mike, but do you think he still likes Rachel?
Sandra:Bitch
Toni:Well he was married o her for 4 years wasnt he?
Sandra:Need choclate
Toni:Wht happnd to Steve?
Sandra:He’s a bastard
Toni:Why?
Sandra:afraid of commitment, he has issues
Toni:how come?
Sandra:wont come to look at wedding dresses with me!
Sandra:I'm going to stay single
Toni:lets go out might cheer you up?
Sandra:where?
Toni:don’t know
Toni:what about rosies?
Sandra:no steve goes there all the time
Toni:Equinox?
Sandra:How much do I hate the music in there?
Toni:Whispers?
Sandra:Could it be more of a Shithole?
Sandra:Don’t feel like going out
Toni:Why?
Sandra:have a spot
Toni:Bet it’s tiny?
Sandra:it’s huge
Toni:c’mon you might meet someone?
Sandra:all men are bastards
Toni:I’ll call you later then?
Sandra:What Time?
Toni:What time is good?
Sandra:Anytime
Toni:is 7 ok?
Sandra:make it 8 ER is on
Toni:ok c u
Sandra:c u xxx
Toni:xxxx
Sandra:xxxxx
Toni:xxxxxx
Sandra:xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Toni:xxxxxxxxx - Love You Long Time - xxxxxxxxxx
Sandra:XXXOOOXXX
Toni:xxxxxxxxxyyyyyzzzzzzzzz

Overall Cost : $05.10
Comments: What happened there, 51 messages and still neither party is any closer to knowing what the plan is for later or what the point of the conversation was in the first place. Furthermore they will actually have to phone each other later to waffle on even more.

Text Conversation Between a man and a woman

Here we see what happens when different sexes try to interact with the medium of text.

HER:Hey
HIM:What
HER:Can I askyou something?
HIM:What
HER:You wont be mad at me?
HIM:What is it?
HER:Promise you wont be mad at me?
HIM:Depends what it is
HER:Ok, you know the shirt you lent me
HIM:No
HER:The white one
HIM:You have my white shirt?
HER:You lent it to me
HIM:You stole it off me
HER:Well how would you feel
HIM:about what
HER:Well you know i said you should be more colourful
HIM:No
HER:Well I did, and now is your chance
HIM:Why
HER:Well I sort of washed it with a pair of my pants
HIM:And what color were they
HER:Sort of off white
HIM:Pink?
HER:Well more cerese
HIM:You dyed my favorite shirt pink?
HER:I didn't do it on purpose
HIM:I loved that shirt
HER:You promised you wouldn't be angry
HIM:No I didnt
HER:You allways get crabby with me
HIM:Do I?
HER:Yes?
HIM:Sorry
(15 minutes later)
HER:Ok I forgive you

Overall Cost : $03.50
Comments: Whoooah!, He is appologising to her, with the money he has just spent on that inane conversation, he could have dry cleaned the shirt himself.
  ¶ 5:45 am 0 Comments

  Read October Wow it's October already, and the weather here in Sydney is pretty damn terrific, not too hot, nice breeze, sun is shining everyone is smiling, chilled out, no one is rushing anywhere....God I love this place.

So since I last wrote I have been all the way up to Queensland to catch up with Renaye, we spent a day at the Gold Coast, did Sea World, although I didn't swim with the sharks, I did wave at them (a sort of ha hah you can't eat me from behind the glass sort of wave).

Also went to an Airshow, had another ride in a helicopter, saw lots of planes etc, caught the sun…again.

Oh Yeah! FHM magazine unexpectedly printed a letter I wrote to them as a result of a really dodgy bit of propaganda about Michael Moore they ran with in the last edition. Basically they filled a page with a report entitled 10 lies by Michael Moore – and basically they only got to number three before they had to resort to pointing out minor errors in ‘Bowling for Columbine’, I think therefore implying that there were very few errors in ‘Farenheight 9/11’.

All in all it was a pretty weak bit of journalism, so I wrote to them detailing why each one was pretty pathetic, and suggested they went and saw the film with whoever had told them to publish that crap. They cut my letter up to make me sound like a jerk, but more insultingly they made the claim that I was misguided because I had agreed with them but was angry at them for daring to question Michael Moore! ……………………Hmmm!

I was angry at them for making a shit magazine, it’s not a patch on Loaded or Ralph or even FHM in the UK, it’s neither funny, informative, irreverent or clever – and if all I wanted were pictures of pretty girls, I would probably buy a porn mag.
Now I feel better.


Oh Yeah - Here is a copy of my letter in full - Get it up yer FHM! (If someone wants to scan in the original FHM article and send it to me I will also publish it here, I threw mine in the bin.)

Dear Sir,

Publish this if you dare.

I read with interest your damming indictment of Michael Moore on Page 19 of your September Edition and have the following points to make.

In it you state that Bowling for Columbine is Commie Pinko Propaganda? Can you explain to me why you feel it is Communist and as for propaganda, take a look at your own article.

Weather Lockheed Martin Makes Military Missiles at that plant or another, is academic to the point Moore is making – I notice you choose your words carefully (L-M doesn’t make military missiles at that plant) – Also what is the source of you information on this fact, Lockheed-Martins own Publicity department?

The NRA is a pro gun organisation, their presence in Flint 8 months after a six year old child is killed is wrong.

So they don’t actually give you a gun in the bank, big deal, his question was clearly meant as a joke….…Hang on weren’t you trying to debunk Fahrenheit 911 – why are you nit picking Columbine?

Your argument on the B-52 Plaque is confusing, you state that it is a lie about Vietnam and depict this with a pair of pants on fire, but then go on to explain that it is actually true, what you are arguing over here is pure semantics, and if I may say, given the amount of information the film puts across, you are scraping the barrel here.

You argue that Moore’s Statistics on gun deaths are misleading, you then go on to suggest complex statistical equations and the discounting of self defence and police shootings in order to make the statistics less misleading – er….you make my point for me.

So Moore sends his kids to private schools, and lives in a Multi Million Dollar Manhattan Apartment – Weren’t you arguing that he was a Pinko Commie at the top of the article? He is one of the most successful filmmakers of our time , and he advocates the downloading of his movie for people who are unable to afford to go and see it!

Maby you should go and see the film yourself, take along whoever forced you to print this propaganda or look here for evidence of the truths in the film.

http://www.michaelmoore.com/warroom/f911notes/index.php?id=16

It makes much better reading than anything in your magazine.

Do I win some beer?

Thought not.

Eric Pinkerton
  ¶ 1:54 pm 0 Comments