Tuesday, September 21, 2004
The Half Assed Diet
Hello Fatty,
Today I am pioneering a diet of my own invention...Behold the...
1) Where Possible buy foods with Half the fat/sugar etc.
* you can do this by either..
a. Only ordering half the food you normally would. (Frugality)
b. Give half your food away. (Charity)
c. Leave half your food on your plate. (Lenity)
d. Drop half of it on the floor by 'accident'. (Ingenuity)
e. Choose to wear half of it on your head. (Insanity)
f. Get Thrown Out of the restaurant half way through your meal for swearing (Profanity)
g. Drop Kick half of your food. (Penalty)
e. Don't eat food, smoke half a cigarette instead (Celebrity)
f. Give up your tuna sandwiches to miraculously feed large crowds (Christianity)
Feel free to submit your own preferred methods by clicking on comments below.
I am half a mind to patent this!
Eric The Half A Bee
¶ 8:02 pm
Today I am pioneering a diet of my own invention...Behold the...
'Half Assed DietTM'.
I am pretty confident that this will be the next big thing in Hollywood and result in me becoming rich, famous and of course thinner.
The basic premise is that 'The Half Assed DietTM' is that it is guaranteed to half the size of your ass in half the time of other diets or half your money back.
I am pretty confident that this will be the next big thing in Hollywood and result in me becoming rich, famous and of course thinner.
The basic premise is that 'The Half Assed DietTM' is that it is guaranteed to half the size of your ass in half the time of other diets or half your money back.
Simply adhere to the 3 simple rules.
1) Where Possible buy foods with Half the fat/sugar etc.
2) Eat Half the food you normally would.*
3) If you are still hungry, wait half an hour before doing anything about it.
* you can do this by either..
a. Only ordering half the food you normally would. (Frugality)
b. Give half your food away. (Charity)
c. Leave half your food on your plate. (Lenity)
d. Drop half of it on the floor by 'accident'. (Ingenuity)
e. Choose to wear half of it on your head. (Insanity)
f. Get Thrown Out of the restaurant half way through your meal for swearing (Profanity)
g. Drop Kick half of your food. (Penalty)
e. Don't eat food, smoke half a cigarette instead (Celebrity)
f. Give up your tuna sandwiches to miraculously feed large crowds (Christianity)
Feel free to submit your own preferred methods by clicking on comments below.
I am half a mind to patent this!
Eric The Half A Bee
¶ 8:02 pm
Comments:
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Order something you dont like, then spend half the time whinging about it. (Finickity)
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: 21 September 2004 at 20:31
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