The Joker

Mucking about with Photoshop today for a Fark competition, but didn't realise you have to join 24 hours prior to submitting an image! - Doh!

Origional Pic here, more competition entries here.
  ¶ 11:43 pm 0 Comments

  An Anthem for Bored Youth I was feeling quite creative
so I thought id write a poem
So below I scribbled down
My Homage to Wlfred Owen

Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori
Unless the mode of your demise
is being run over by a lorry
  ¶ 6:54 pm 0 Comments

  Comic Timing Was it Elvis who said that "The Secret of Comedy is Timing"?

Probably not but I think he proved the point when he kicked the bucket, whilst sitting on it!

apologies to any Elvis fans out there who found there way here by searching Google for "Elvis+Quote" - You have to love the irony though, because you wouldn't have seen it had I not included the word 'quote' in my apology!

While I am on the subject of apologies, I should apologies for anyone who has just searched for "Brittney Spears naked", you wont find that picture here (although it might still be here, but don't tell anyone I told you!)

So anyway I was here to talk about comic timing, how about finding out that your visa sponsorship has been approved the day after discovering the company that is sponsoring you has gone in to recievership! -Doh!

Still the glass isn't all empty, It is looking more and more likely that the company will be sold off as a going concern, and as such I might still have a job to go to!

So I'm off to look at that picture of Brittney again!

There's nothing wrong with me!

Much love

e

xx

P.S. If you got here searching for "Elvis+naked" you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Ah huh
Ah Huh!
  ¶ 1:18 pm 0 Comments

  Dot Comedy Bad news I'm afraid, looks like the Company I have been working for has gone titsup!

Nothing to do with me I may add, but the timing is rather unfortunate given the status of my application for sponsorship, so I may be leaving Australia sooner than initially predicted!

Still I'm being quite philosophical about it, the thought of heading back to the UK in Winter is a bit of a shocker though, might have to stop somewhere cheap and warm on route!

Keep the comments coming! (rolls eyes sarcastically)

e



  ¶ 1:17 pm 0 Comments

  The Half Assed Diet Hello Fatty,

Today I am pioneering a diet of my own invention...Behold the...



* you can do this by either..

a. Only ordering half the food you normally would. (Frugality)
b. Give half your food away. (Charity)
c. Leave half your food on your plate. (Lenity)
d. Drop half of it on the floor by 'accident'. (Ingenuity)
e. Choose to wear half of it on your head. (Insanity)
f. Get Thrown Out of the restaurant half way through your meal for swearing (Profanity)
g. Drop Kick half of your food. (Penalty)
e. Don't eat food, smoke half a cigarette instead (Celebrity)
f. Give up your tuna sandwiches to miraculously feed large crowds (Christianity)

Feel free to submit your own preferred methods by clicking on comments below.

I am half a mind to patent this!


Eric The Half A Bee
  ¶ 8:02 pm 1 Comments

  YAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!! Ahoy!,

Well as ye may or may not savvy, yesterday T'was International Talk Like A Pirate Day, so t' was with great pride that I be dressed up in t' finest pirate garb before hauling keel with some buckos t' t' Rocks (arguably Sydneys most piratesque drinking venue).

There I rendezvoused with me old sea dog mucca Capt'n Tiger, and we did say Yaaarr! to all and sundry, who were if it be told fairly, were just going about their business quietly on a Sunday evening.




T' incredible floating head trick allways went down well wit' t' other buckaneers!
  ¶ 1:26 pm 0 Comments

  www.friendsuninvited.com Had an idea for my own web start up yesterday, http://www.friendsuninvited.com/ would be the site you could log on to register all those empty offers that are made to you by strangers during drunken conversations in the early hours.

Then 5 or 10 years down the line, when you actually do find yourself in Wolverhampton, you can hook up with the family whom you met on the last night of your package deal to Faliraki and take them up on the offer they made of a bed for the week.

What do you think....? Lets face it the sort of people that contact you as a result of www.Friendsreunited.com are usually the ones you were glad to get away from anyway. The whole reunited genre has fallen a bit by the wayside - after an initial burst of broken families, and a few rekindled friendships, its main use today is to reaffirm that the kid that bullied you in school is now digging holes for the council, and to give you a forum to lie about being the CEO of your own .com startup.

It's worth noting that a number of companies admitted to using FR as a third reference before employing someone, so postings about what you and Stinky Jefferies did to little Sarah Barker behind the cricket pavilion are unlikely to enhance your standing in the upcoming mayoral elections.

Damn just checked, it seems that someone has already registered www.friendsuninvited.com
already to publish some very dodgy but amusing pictures!

Back to the drawing board.
  ¶ 9:13 am 0 Comments

  The Golden Rules of Fancy Dress

It would seem that many people are overlooking the rules of fancy dress somewhat, for everyones benefit here they are......

1. Do you look stupid?
2. Is the consumption of alcohol impossible whilst in costume?
3. Will you have to hold your walled/phone/purse in your hand all night for lack of somewhere to keep it?
4. Will a trip to the toilet require 1 hour and 2 helpers?
5. Will you be unable to remove the head of your costume quicky in an emergency?
6. Is your cosume a walking firetrap?
7. Will walking home in your costume attract unwanted attention?
8. Do you have appendages that are likely to knock drinks from other peoples hands?

If can answer yes to any of the above questions, than think seriously about swapping your costume with a friend the day before the party.

  ¶ 11:33 pm 0 Comments

  Shoe Shod and Tongue Tied Resolved to be more of a real blogger, recording the day to day stuff, rather than just posting my group emails, let see how long this little scheme works (Pause to roll eyes)!!

I 'm happy because I love the way Aussie Girls walk to work in smart business suits with their trainers on and a pair of less sensible 'sexy' shoes in a bag, I think it typifies the true Aussie spirit, the kind of I'm sporty, but I mean business - I'm sexy, but I'm sensible too.

On the otherhand , guys walking to work with a suit and trainers look like they are on their way to a soup kitchen or they have an unfortunate medical condition that has forced the boss to give them special permission to wear comfortable shoes.

I resolve to look after my shoes a bit more, I'm awfully hard on them, I have met many people who judge you by your shoes, who look at your shoes before looking at anything else. I don't know if this is really a good way to be, I know my shoes are very important to the way I feel, if I wear my steelies I feel confident and sexy, if I wear my trainers I feel sporty, if I wear my walking boots I feel comfy, and ready for anything, Barefoot I feel venerable and sexy.

Put it like this, If the fertilizer becomes scattered by life's A/C, your reaction might depend on your choice of shoes...

Steelies - Fight
Trainers - Flight





  ¶ 6:17 pm 0 Comments

  No Man is an Island (A short story by Eric Pinkerton) Island Leaders Mr Heart and Mr Head are at odds over the proposed union with an unnamed neghboring island. Heart has gained the upper hand by forming a strategic alliance with Mr Dick, allthough this has been weakened by talk of an intimate relationship with Miss Hand, who as you know works for Mr Head. It is worth noting that past rumours suggest Dick had several daliancess with Miss Hand's twin sister, but that the relationship was short lived because the sex was lousy.

Mr Head feels that this Union with have an unfavorable economic impact on the country, where as, mr Heart feels that there will be strength in the union that will compensate for any economic concerns.

Meanwhile Mr Ass, A Swiss National and Dicks unsociable neighbor has taken a neutral stance refusing to support either party.


(c) 2004 Eric Pinkerton





  ¶ 11:24 am 0 Comments

  New Genes! Hola chicos,

I brought a pair of blue jeans........can you believe it? me? in blue jeans? - I shocked myself ......but heres the rub.....since I arrived in Australia I have gone from a 34, ok a 36 waist to a 97! (of course there is the metric issue to consider but it's still pretty depressing)

So okay, sorry I have not written for a while, I had my reasons (Maybe I just haven't needed the therapy it offers) but anyway It has now been one whole year since I put old England in my wake and steered a course for unknown adventure! I am still enjoying the journey, although I have been heldup somewhat by the offer of a job and sponsorship here in Sydney for a while.

For those interested, I'm working in a 24/7 Network Operations Centre for a Company called COMindico in a big mirrored building right in the centre of the city 20 minutes walk from home (I do network type stuff).

And while I do my network type stuff, I spend a lot of time thinking about those I left behind, my 2yr old niece who is growing up without me and now on the cusp of big sistership, Renaye who is still battling her way to work on the tube, The Cubana who stole my heart so long ago and who is about to become a mother herself! And of course my mother the singer who is probably busy throwing out all the clothes that no longer fit me (I was keeping them for sentimental reasons, who knows I might get a 32 waist back one day) Still I have new jeans now!

I also spend a lot of time thinking about the people I have met along the way, The 20 or so 'gringos who made there way across the Chilean dessert, over the Peruvian Andes and in to the Ecuadorian Jungle in a bloody uncomfortable truck, accruing ponchos, tattoos and lifelong friends along the way. Maria Jose who didn't speak a word of English, I spoke to her solidly for six hours on my last night in Quito, the Austrian Baker and his Crazy Spanish Wife I drove around Easter Island with, The Taff I met in Tahiti who had me in tears with his tales of throwing up in a tent during a cub scout camp, The couple who raise cattle in the outback as if it were still 1950, The 2 German girls who I taught to simultaneously skip and frown on The Great Ocean Rd, The girl I fell in love with at first sight in a crowded bar in Sydney who broke my heart, then mended it, then left for the UK and proceeded to wake me up at 6am every day with beautifully drunken texts. The girl who had me out at all hours staring through a telescope at the most beautiful constellations whilst I exhibited the early signs of exposure. and of course those special people whom I already knew, and have caught up with again to form that special bond which only comes with sharing the other side of the globe with someone......you know who you are.

To think that in the years to come I might be stuck at a desk with rain running down the windows, rippling the grey skies behind, my wife might be on the phone telling me I need to speak to the headmaster because little Harry has been caught fighting again, I will just smile and look down at the picture on my desk, of the 20 or so weary gringos in the mist at Machupicchu, me somewhere in the middle clutching a hipflask inscribed "NOT ON MY SHIFT"

.

Much love wherever you find yourself now. e xxx
  ¶ 12:46 am 0 Comments