Back where it all began Well I'm back in Santiago de Chile for a couple of days where this whole adventure began! (Sniff)

Lots of messing about on the journey here because my Airline of Choice 'Avianca´ showed all the efficiency of Tortoises on Vallium, which sort of serves me right by saving mypenny'ss and flying via Columbia!

I have come torealizee that I do really like flying though, and all that comes with it....Reclining your chair really slowly so the guy behind youdoesn'tt know your doing it, he just gets the sensation that he is growing. Ormaybey waitinguntill the captain distracts everyone with anannouncementt about the view from the left of the plane, and when he looks away from the window, he smacks his nose on the back of your seat.

Also there is the whole ritual of food and drinks on planes, the anxious wait for the food trolley to reach you, the excitement of removing the foil from yourLilliputiann portion of microwaved magic, opening 20 wrappers to get to your knife and fork, and serviette, and trying to find somewhere to put the resulting pile ofrubbishh. Trying to cut your food without cutting through the foil. Finding the salt and pepper after you have finished your meal. The anxious wait for the drinks trolley, and thedisappointmentt in receiving a can of coke the size of a thimble. Trying to swap your piece of cake for the tiny cheese selection with the passenger next to you whilst making sure no one has anything you don't. Trying to spread rock hard frozen butter on a roll the size of a marshmallow, and manufacturing the smallest sandwich you have ever seen. Wiping your face with the towellette, and smelling like a car air freshener. Trying to eat the remaining ice in your plastic cup (but it isallayss magically held in the bottom of the glass, and when you tap it it allways hits your cheek and falls in your lap. Preparing your cup for the Tea of Coffee that will follow before spending a good 10 minutes trying to get the sugar of the bottom and the milk powder of the top with a pathetic plastic oar.

Finally the anxious wait for the hostes to come and take all therubbishh away so you can get back to what you were doing before being rudely interrupted.

My other main observation, is that pilots arealwayss really well spoken, I wonder if they are all given elocution, or if you are just barred from flying school if you have a really strong accent. How would you feel if the pilot came over in a really thick Yorkshire accent...Allo this is captin cleggy, were at 32 thousand feet and I tell thee, I nearly shat me sel then when orange light cem on in cockpit, i said to co pilot, what the chuffin els that - he said it´s reflection of your fag ya daft bugger!

Don't be Strange

Eric  ¶ 6:09 am 0 Comments

  Now avaliable in Spanish!! Added the ability to translate this page in to Spanish for all the Spanish speaking friends I am acruing along the way! It's slow but it works! I think!

Last day in Quito, and i'm just lazing around. Had dinner with a stuning black Equadorian girl last night who had the biggest brown eyes I have ever seen! Purely in an attempt to improve my Spanish you understand, we talked exclusively in Spanish for about 5 hours and I think I even understood some of the things that were said!

  ¶ 3:23 am 0 Comments

  Last Few Days in Quito Today is my last full day in the wonderfull city of Quito, Equador. tommorow I fly back to Santiago De Chille, where my South American Adventure began nearly three months ago, the following day I will fly on to Easter Island to check out the Moui and then on to Tahiti.

I will not be sorry to leave Quito, much as I like the city, I am hearing more and more stories of muggings, and am frequently hearing gunfire in the evenings. My mother will be very pleased to know when I have moved on, allthough I think my spanish will suffer when I no longer have to use it everday - maby I can find some spanish speakes to practice on in Sydney.

In terms on news I do not have that much to report, read a whole book yesterday (Stephen Kings the Gunslinger) it was pretty crap, now i'm on the the Biography of Earnest Hemmingway which is a bit more interesting.

I have changed my flight from Easter Island to the 3rd because I am assured that Easter Island is both small and expensive, and can be seen in about 2 days.
  ¶ 3:42 am 0 Comments

  I'd rather be a spammer than in Jail When Simon & Garfunkle penned the lyrics "I'd rather be a hammer than a nail" to the poular Peruvian folk song "El condor pasa" I am guessing they had never visited Peru. The reason I can be so sure of this is because had they taken time to visit any of the restauants here in South America, they would be so sick of hearing it they may well have written "I'd like to hit a pan pipe with a nail" or "I'd rather you stuck your pan pipe up your ass"

What would have been my greatest story here never really happened, I think because the good lord, allthough clearly in possession of a top class sense humour, does not really share my twisted view of the world....let me explain.

Whilst eating in a Peruvian Restaurant in Arequippa, no sooner had our food arrived, than the obligatory 15 piece patagonian indian band suddenly appeared in a whirl of gaudy ponchos and riddiculious hats. They quickly assembled in to a well rehearsed formation and dropped in to a stiring rendition of ...you guessed it "El condor pasa". Whilst the most junior, or least tallented member of this ensemble wandered round the restaurant trying to offload Cd's and solicit donations from the unlucky diners.

Someone in our party asked him if she could have the bill, mistakenly thinking he was the waiter. At this point, as mentioned before the god of comedy let us down. Had I been in charge of the events, he would have turned to the band requesting "The Bill", who would have seemlessly changed their tune to the title music of the popular british police drama of the same name!

Still if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail, and it with this in mind that I graduated from the Berraca Scool of Spanish here in Quito, after a mere 20 hours of copying verbos regulares and verbos irregulares and playing games aimed for spanish 3yr olds. Now I am wandering the streets of Quito, annoying the public by pointing to varios things and helpfully informing them how it is pronounced in Spanish, Ie - point at someones shoes and shout Zapatos, or a someones head and shout Cabesa - this gets more of a laugh if you point to someone with say a paticularly large nose and shout El Nariz Grande!
I know this sounds like a bad way to spend my remaining time here, but its cheaper than the cinema, and anyway they band me for reading the subtitles out loud.

Anyway I have to go, the owners have asked me to leave because I pointed to their internet connection and shouted Esta es Despachio Mierda..

La Paz con Amor

Enrico

xxx
  ¶ 5:58 am 0 Comments

  20 - 17 and I missed it! :-S Hello,

I am in a bit of a sulk at the moment because I missed the rugby, the first northern hemisphere tean to win the World Cup, and I missed it! last gast drop goal in the last minute, and I missed it!, the nation's greatest sporting triumph since 1966, and I MISSED IT - How in hell did I miss it? - I Got locked in my hostel that´s how! (It was on at 3am in the morning here, and I had arranged to go around to some Kiwi guys house with a few other people to watch it, and when I came to leave the Hostel, everything was locked, and the security guy was nowhere to be seen!



It has also just cost me $45 to post home Richards bloody insect collection, I too cannot be arsed to A) carry it, or B) Risk being arrested on entry to Australia for importing banned substances! Mum if a great big yellow parcel actually arrives in the next few weeks, dont open it if you are scared of spiders! (they are all dead though).


Not the actual thing, but you get the idea!

I bumped in the the americans yesterday who were on our Gallapagos trip, they had just returned from a Jungle Treck bless them, and I had to help them confirm their filghts in Spanish. They told me to thank my Mother on their behalf for bringing me up so well, "Because mothers like that sort of thing". (I spent most of my trip in the Galapagos holding their hand and helping then up steps, in and out of boats, over rocks etc). I told them I hoped I was still up for adventures when I was in my mid 70's, allthough frankly I think I will be happier playing crown green bowls and moaning about the price of tweed!

Spanish school is going well, allthough I seem to be getting an increasing amount of homework, He spends the first part of the lesson marking my work, and ends by drawing a small face, :-) smiling if I have understood, :-( frowning If I cock up, but more often than not I get a kind of :-S squiggle indicating that he is neither happy, nor sad with my progress, This sort of indifference does nothing to inspirire me to aspire - I have resolved to sign of my last bout of homework with a :-P

Miss you all,

Indeed I seem to miss bloody everything!

x
e
  ¶ 4:21 am

  Back to School Hola,

Today was my first day back at school for 9 years, and my first lesson was Spanish, 4 hours of Spanish. I realise that it would have been more logical to study spanish at the start of this trip, but i've never been a conventional type of guy - Remember who woke up in a puddle in the driest place on earth?

Yo tengo another 4 houros of spanisho eacho morningo foro the nexto 4 dayos, and will ci how it goes, I will also bolster this by hanging around in baros and talking to the locals, purely as homeworko you comprendo?

I have been asked what my plans are from here on in by a few people so here goes....

I need to get back to Santiago de Chile by 30th November, from where I will fly to Easter Island to kick the famous stone statues to see if they fall over etc, expect to see photos of me doing so on the website soon.

From there I will fly to Tahiti to establish exactly why Captain Blythes men mutaniered when they were asked to leave...and then on to Sydney in Australia ready to show the Aussies how to drink properly in time for Christmas and New Year.

I then plan to spend a year travelling and working in Australia, repairing my finances and contemplating my next move.

Depending on the Efficiency of the FBI and Interpol the above plans may change at any time or as and when circumstances dictate, rest assured you will be kept informed unless you request otherwise.

Dickie Alto, my erstwhile travel partner left Equador yesterday bound for Argentina (sniff), and left me with his glass mounted display of Amazonian Insects, which he thoughtfully left under my pillow! I suspect more because he couldn't be arsed carrying it all around south America.

I shall miss his cheap haircutting, chair falling , head banging, poor spanish speaking, pizza paving, public school, legal speaking mishaps - especially when I am detained on entry to Australia for importing endangered species.

Kirsten can you arrange to arrest me before I get arrested for real?
(Cheers Ritch - hope you can reach the food there - if not the stakes are too high!)

Thats all folks, remeber to tell me how your getting on if you can be bothered
Mi Vida es Muy Bueno
Muchos besos para la chicas
Hasta la vista
baby
e
  ¶ 2:57 pm

  GalapaGloss(tm) Here is My GalapaGloss(tm) because I obviouly have too much time on my hands.

A is for Americans, very prolific in this area, brightly coloured, noisy and slow moving, usually friendly.

B is for Birds, again very brightly coloured, Pelicans, Albatros, Frigate Birds, Hawks, Finches, Mocking Birds you name it and at some point it will attempt to defacate on you.

C is for Charles Darwin, he put the Gallapagos on the map by growing a beard and writing a book I think it was called "My father was a monkey" or something like that!

D is Dolphins - To be seen surfing the bow wave of your boat, heart stoppingly magnificent - when I die I want ot come back as a Dolphin!

E is for the Equator - Running right through the Galapagos - your in the middle of it all here.

F is for Fishes - Every colour, species you can imagine - all just inches away.

G is for Germans - again very prolific, scantily clad and mostly in large groups....dont mention the war!

H is for Hats - Wear one or risk stopping the traffic on your return!

I is For Iguanas - Marine Iguanas, Land Iguanas - you won´t need a zoom lens so much as a broom to move them out of the way!

J is for Juice - The Gallapagoans like to drink the Juice of the Tomato Tree (different from the tomato plant) - It has the taste of 1 part tomato juice, 5 parts wallpaper paste.

K is for Killer Whales, I didnt see any, but they are here apparently hiding.

L is for Lonesome George, the last tortoise of his species in the Darwin Research Centre on Santa Cruz. - For years scientists have tried to tempt him with a harem of attractive femail tortoises from similar species in the hope he will reproduce, unfortunately George has taken a vow of celibacy.

M is for Money, you will need lots of it here - I had to pay $2 for a Snickers Bar!

N is for November - I went in wha is supposed to be low season, rough weather etc scares off your average joe punter, but I have to say the weather was perfect, and the sea was pretty calm.

O is for Ornatologists, amusing to watch as they stumble about with their cameras and tripods, frightening off most of the birds for miles around.

P is for penguins, this far north? - yup siree, the farthest North you will find them apparently.

Q is for Questions - Each yaught has its own guide, who will fit in to three classes - number 1 will have read a book abaout the gallapagos, number 3 will have written it!

R is for Rays - Mantas, Sting Rays, Starry - every type and size of very short very fat fishery.

S is For Sea Lions, usually they approach you whilst you are snorkelling and blow bubbles in your face before proving how clumsy you are in the water compared to them.

T is For Tortoises and Turtles, great big vegetarian wash basins on legs - the former I am told can live to 200yrs old.

U is for Underwater - if you dont go snorkelling you will miss half of the beuaty of this place.

V is for Views, Stunning Sunsets - Volcanoes and Geology from a Star Treck movie.

W is For White Tiped Sharks - Loads of them - sometimes swimming in 1 foot of water, I am told they are Vegetarians!

X is for X-Factor - because it allways is on these things!

Y is for Yaughts 300 or so in all - from Economic to First Class there are 4 Classifications, in the former, think the lada of the ocean going world, whereas if money is no object you can expect rolls royce all the way.

Z is for Zzzzzzzzz - These sea sickness tablets make you really drowsy..
  ¶ 2:15 am

  The Origin of The Species Hey All,

I am back in Quito Having returned from 8 wonderful days in the Gallapagos Islands, aboard the Yaught Floriana. I have to say it was one of the most memorable experiences of my entire life, and those of you who have been reading my emails to date will know how much of an accolade this is at this point on my trip.

I have dived with Sharks, Played with Sea Lions, stood next to a 100yr old tortoise that came up to my waist, seen hundreds of species of birds, fish, mamals, reptiles - taken several rolls of film and am pretty much Glapped out.

Our boat catered for 16 Passengers, Me and Richard - Two Americans, , 2 French Canadian Biologists, 8 Germans and 2 Austrians. Our American Contingent, Mary and Debs (mother and daughter respectively) Mary was in her mid 70´s, and acted like a 12yr old, Debs was in her mid 50´s and acted like a 70yr old needed help with every step they took, only to point out that everything was bigger and better in the states! Still much fun was had by me an Richard winding up all the other passengers continually during the trip, especially the Germans, who turned out to be pretty good sports. One the last day we found ourselves in a Bar with a Table Football, so needless to say we took on the Germans, and my time at KornFerry was not wasted, we embarassed them thourougly!

And Finally......you will know that I appreciate my near death experiences, as much as the next man, and in true Eric style had a great one on the last day of the trip, snorkelling at Devils Crown on Floriana, we swam around a partually submerged crater loking for sharks...

(Guess what's comming!)


We bobbed around for a few minutes admiring the beuaty of the corals and the colourful fish that live here, occasionally holding our breaths and diving down to look at something more closely, all the time hoping to see a SHARK

(can you guess what is comming yet?)

when eventually there it was, a beuatiful and majestic white tipped shark, swimming gracefully below me, only a small shark, about 4ft long but very impressive all the same.

So there I am enjoying my first experience of swiming with sharks, totally chilled out when, have you guessed yet? .......





Wait For IT.......




I get hit on the back of the head by a passing inflatable dingy!
(I didn't see it comming either!)

I ducked down quickly, the propeller I am told, missed my head by a foot, and tore a tiny strip out of my wet suit, leaving me with no more than a large bruise on my backside...needless to say I promptly taught Stevie Wonder at the helm some new swear words and retired to our yaught for a beer!




Still all well that ends.... and the experience did nothing to dampen the magic of the Gallapagos.
New Photos Here...

http://groups.msn.com/Kumuka/ericsfourthalbum.msnw


  ¶ 2:56 pm

  The Holy Trinity Hey Hey,

I am writing from Quito, the capital of Equador. I have just returned from my first football match, and I am guessing it was a very different experience from the football matches I have never been to in the UK! - The team we randomly picked equalised with 10 minutes to go, and then scored the winning goal in the final minute to the most rapturous celebrations and most amazing atmospheres I have ever taken part in. Lots more photos online

here -
  ¶ 2:54 pm